The Rise and Fall of Charles Wells

April 5th, 2005

A song about a friend whose fallen in love but has to keep it a secret.

The Rise and Fall of Charles Wells

It was a Wednesday, or maybe it was Thursday
When Julius called me, said we're going to New York

I packed up my bag, put in my favourite shirt
Might get lucky, might hit paydirt

It was a long drive, at least 13 hours
But it was worth it, because I found her

She wore a green gown, like a surgeon
and when I saw her, my blood started curdling

She said: "Servus!" and it blew my lid
I can't explain it, Ich Liebe Dich!

We talked on messenger for a month or so
And she loved me and I loved her

Our relationship, it flourished
Despite the distance, I had persistence

I bought her flowers and a bermuda trip
You think you know courtship? Man I invented it!

And as the time wore on our love grew hotter
Had to ask her father if I could marry her

He was a butcher from Iran
And when I saw him, man I ran!

He pulled out his knife and started chasing me
And as I ran away I heard him scream:

MY NAME IS ALI! YOU'RE DATING MY DAUGHTER!
SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU! AND CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!

MY NAME IS ALI! AND I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL YOU!
YOU FUCKING INFADEL! YOU'RE GONNA BURN IN HELL!